Friday, March 15, 2013


It's gonna be a long post. Its been a long week. My last post was of the boys out with Justin and their Grandpa shooting. Not even a week later Shawn wasn't feeling well and called his team of doctors up at LDS hospital. They told him to go ahead into the hospital on Thursday just to be safe. By Friday things had changed quickly and he was admitted into the ICU. Justin and Emily went up to the hospital and I stayed with the kiddos. They came back with heavy hearts and lots of worries. I couldn't help but remain optimistic though. It hadn't even been a full week since he was just out shooting and off roading in the truck with the boys. Shawn is a fighter and always has been.

Saturday Justin and I spent the morning and part of the afternoon up in the ICU. He was on a ventilator and couldn't talk and had a million other things hooked up to him as well but he was stable and doing pretty well. The boys love to visit Grandpa any time he is in the hospital and write him little messages on the boards in the hall for when he goes for a walk. This time he wasn't on the 8th floor though. It was different and we weren't sure how they would handle seeing him but they were persistent in asking and we thought it might help cheer Shawn up as well. Sunday we told them they could go visit. Kaiden had just learned to burn things with his magnifying glass and burnt a message into a leaf for Grandpa. He then taught Karson and they both made leaves to take :)

Burning the leaves

"Grandpa and me" by Kaiden

"Hope you get better" by Karson

"I love you" by Kaiden
I had a picture on my phone of Grandpa and showed the kids so they would have an idea of what to expect. We told them if they had any questions to ask and to remember that all the things in the room were there to help Grandpa get better.
They had to go in one at a time so we let Kaid go first, then Kar and Logan last. The twins both did very well. I was surprised. They told me after that I made it sound worse than it was. They were sweet with him and Shawn asked them to put cold wash cloths on his feet. It was precious to see them be able to serve there grandpa. Logan went in and I thought he was going to burst into tears. It definitely shocked him. As he asked questions and spent more time in the room he got more comfortable. By the time we were getting ready to leave he was watching them put a new iv line in and seemed much better with the situation. Here are some pics from the first time they saw Grandpa in the ICU.

Kaid when he first went in


Grandpa reading his leaf

Enjoying his visit with Grandpa
Kaid being silly with Grandpa
Karson giving his leaf to grandpa



Grandpa reading his leaf

Grandpa writing a silly note to Kar about burning marshmallows and ants

Giggling at silly Grandpa

Nervous Logan as Grandma explains the machines

feeling a little better

Logan and Grandpa

Monday they took the ventilator out! Things were looking great! We took the boys up excitedly to see Grandpa without the tube down his throat. They couldn't wait to see him and talk to him. We left telling the boys that they wouldn't be back up to the hospital until Friday and that by that time Grandpa would be up on the 8th floor getting close to come home. It was great.

3 AM we got a call. Those calls are never good. Justin rushed up to the hospital. I got the kids ready for school and had my mom wait with them for carpool so I could head up to the hospital myself. The doctors weren't so positive that morning. They said his lungs were worse than when he first went in and were the worst he'd ever seen. They still weren't sure if the pneumonia was bacterial, fungal or viral and couldn't be very aggressive in treating it. On top of that Shawn has a whole slew of other medical obstacles as a result of the cancer and bone marrow rejection from 15 years ago. It wasn't looking so good. Justin and his mom made phone calls. Shawns parents came to the hospital. All his sibling came. Some were in the valley some made the trip from Kanab and Nevada. Soon all the family was there. It was the first time I had to actually consider things not going like I'd hoped. I was trying to hold it together but a pregnant lady is already crazy so it wasn't going so well. I just kept thinking about my boys and it broke my heart. I didn't know what to say or what to do for them.
Shawn was given a blessing. I was wanting him to just be healed. I knew it was possible so just do it! That wasn't the blessing he recieved. Instead he was told if and when he saw fit he had permission to go. It was rough. I don't remember all that was said. I remember Emily and I hugging. He still had a choice though. He had permission to go but not until he was ready. He wasn't ready. He couldn't be ready. I am pregnant and need for this baby to meet his amazing grandpa. My other boys need their awesome grandpa. I need him. We all needed him.
Justin and I went back and forth not knowing what to do about the boys. Last they heard the tube was out and things were great. The tube was back in. Grandpa was discouraged, heavily sedated and thrashing in his restraints. We made the gut wrenching decision to go get them just in case. I had to break there hearts in the car on the way to the hospital by telling them things weren't looking good. They cried. I've never had to do that. Even in the past when there have been close calls before we've never had that conversation. Logan asked how old Grandpa was. I told him 46 and that he'd be 47 in May. Logan's response was "that's not fair! The other grandpa is in his 50's...that's not fair if this grandpa doesn't get to be that old too". I agree with him. Shawn is young. He is so good and so loved by so many. He works in the temple, devotes his entire life to service despite his own challenges and is the funnest guy. The kids made the comment in the car and again at the hospital that they were "bummed out". I don't know why but it made me smile to hear them use such a fitting word.

When we got back to the hospital they had gotten Shawn into a chair and laid off the sedatives. He seemed so much more at peace. He didn't seem to be fighting the ventilator (the first time they put it back in he was able to pull it out even though he was in restraints) and he didn't seem to be in pain. Had we got them earlier it would have been traumatizing I think. Had we waited he wouldn't have been as alert as he was. It was perfect timing. They each went in one at a time with Justin and spent some time with grandpa. I was so relieved to have made the decision to let them come. I for the first time felt like it would be okay no matter what happened. If it went badly the boys wouldn't be as shocked and we could help them understand but we were letting them hope for the best. Justin snapped a photo with each of the boys with Grandpa on that terrible Tuesday.

Karson and Grandpa

Justin and his dad

Kaid and Grandpa

Shawn, baby and Me

Logan and Grandpa
We went home that evening and had dinner waiting for us. We had flowers on the table and even breakfast for the next morning. Another friend dropped off dessert and some Dr Pepper and Mountain Dew to get us through the coming days. It was such a blessing on such a rough day and I couldn't help but cry at the kindness and compassion being shown to us.

That night at dinner the kids were filled with questions. They wanted to know if grandpa HAD to go to heaven. They did not want him to. They wanted to know if he went to heaven if he could build a field to shoot in. They wanted to know if he would come get them in their dreams to play with them. It was precious. We all went to bed at home and slept like rocks. We woke up still tired and drained from the night before but grateful to have made it through the night without bad news.
Wednesday things were stable. They had changed his feeding tube which had a kink in it making it difficult for him to get his regular meds he needs to stay alive and his stats seemed better. The nurses came and talked to Shawn about how rough the day before was. One of them made the comment in front of my sister in law that things had been touch and go for a while and she saved his life. I was able to talk to my SIL that day and realized that I wasn't the only one still holding onto hope. She was positive. It was nice to talk to somebody who was helping build my own optimism back up. Call us selfish. Call us naive. Shawn is the most stubborn amazing person and we want and need him to stick around. My mother in law sounded better Wednesday as well. This was turning into quite the roller coaster. I decided the only update the kids would get is that he is still in ICU and we still don't know what is going to happen. I don't want them to go through a million ups and downs.

Yesterday was fantastic! I went up that morning to give RaeLene a little break and Justin and Emily were back at work. Shawn was alert pretty much the whole time. He seemed to be in such better spirits! He was joking about mooning people on his walk and so much like his silly self! He teased the cleaning lady with his squirt bottle and they became friends. He needs to stay sitting for a certain amount of time after he walks and he's usually exhausted and ready to get back in bed afterwards so he asked me to move the clock ahead so he could get back in bed sooner :) He has had so many neighbors, ward members and family come visit. The nurses all say he's the most popular person in the ICU :) He is stable and seemed really good! The doctor came in and said it was going to be a long and hard process but that he is working hard and doing his part. His lungs still look terrible but they did say that typically the patient feels better before they can see the difference in the CT Scan or ultrasound. I'm thinking it will still be a few days before the ventilator can come back out but I am thinking it WILL come out! We are seeing miracles! We've seen them before with Shawn and are getting to witness them again. Thank you for the prayers, love, support and acts of kindness helping us through this tough time. We feel so loved and I know Shawn does too! Here is a little note he wrote to me yesterday that shows his goofy loving personality :)

He went from being able to speak and communicate 2000 WPM to one if we're lucky :) Well we'll take that one WPM and are so proud of him for continuing to fight for us!

Monday, March 4, 2013


The boys got BB guns from Grandma and Grandpa Allen for Christmas and Santa brought the twins bows and arrows! It's been torture for the boys having to wait for the weather to be good enough to go use them. FINALLY it's starting to clear up and we are slowly starting to see more of the sun. Saturday it got up to 51 so Justin, Shawn and the boys went out and got to use all the fun new Christmas presents!
Karson said he loved the gun best. Kaiden said he loved the bow best and Logan said he loved that he can shoot farther than his brothers with the bow but likes his gun best too.

Justin thought they'd shoot for about 45 minutes or so and get bored and head back. 2 1/2 hours later they finally started heading back but I think it was only because it was past lunch time and they were all getting hungry :) The boys had so much fun and are already asking when they can go back out. I'm thinking Grandpa Allen is going to be getting A LOT of phone calls this summer :) I had Justin snap a few photos while they were out. Here are my babies being so grown up with their bows and arrows and BB guns.

Twins testing out the new bows on dads target

Logan with his BB pistol from Grandpa

Kaiden loves archery!

releasing the arrow


Logan giving the twins bow a try

Loving the new BB rifles! I love this pic of my twinlets!

Logan checking out his gun with Grandpa

"50 something"

Today is Grandpa Durfey's birthday! The boys decided to make him cards last night before bed. Pretty sure Logans is the best card I've EVER read!

How it's written:

you are truning
50 something
Good job
Hapee Birthdae"

you are turning 
50 something
Good job
Happy Birthday"

Apparently once you hit 50 you're just old and it doesn't even matter exactly what birthday it is! "50 something" is quite the accomplishment! haha Congrats and good job and making it to "old" dad! lol

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Baby Bump

With this pregnancy I'm already sporting quite the baby bump! I keep asking my doctor if I'm gaining too much or too fast because I'm showing so much sooner and bigger than I did with any of my others. He keeps assuring me my weight is right on the line it should be on the chart and that everything is healthy and good. He also said pregnancy number three tends to show more easily because your body is already stretched and knows what to do. So I'm trying to keep that in mind and just take care of myself with the hope that I won't have more than I should to work off once baby is here. My hubby asks me to send him a pic of the bump pretty regularly when he is at work so I have a million belly pics on my phone...unfortunately my phone is a crappy camera but it's something! Here is the bump so far...

This was between 8-10 weeks at the first teeny tiny sign of a bump

This was in the 3rd-4th month where its that awkward beer gut stage

This was the end of my 4th month when I felt like it was looking more like a baby bump rather than beer gut

This was month 5

and this is just 16 weeks away from my due date (15 from my scheduled c-section)
Fifteen weeks is so soon! I can't believe how quickly its starting to go by! I really need to get going on making sure we are ready. Thank goodness I'm feeling well so I can get done all the things I need to in the next few weeks.

I finally got one thing crossed off my list. I have a nursing cover! Thanks to an awesome friend who happens to be pregnant also and is due just 3 weeks before me! I've never nursed before and am terrified to try but luckily I have a huge support system of women who will be nursing at the same exact time as me! As of right now I have 8 friends pregnant! We are all due anytime from May-July. I've never had a pregnant friend at the same exact time and now I have whole group! On top of those 8, there are a couple preggers in my ward and one other in my family. In my father in laws words "it must've been a looong cold winter" haha I guess so because there is definitely a baby boom it feels like. So back to my nursing cover. My awesome friend who've I've been lucky enough to have since childhood let me pick some fabric and then bought and made me a super cute cover at our last girls get together :) The strap is velcro and she made sure to put the boning in it so I could see down but nobody else will see anything I don't want them too. We also made sure to snap a photo of our two growing bellies.

The outside

the inside
Who'd a thought back in kindergarten that one day we'd be comparing baby bumps :)

Friday, March 1, 2013

Throwing Poodles

We decided to finally pull out the Apples to Apples Junior game the boys got for Christmas and see if they were big enough to play. Well...they are! And it was so much fun! They all understood the game and read well enough to understand all the cards and play.
When Justin was the judge he got the card "powerful". As Justin went through all the cards that had been played it was looking like it was going to be a tough call....then he read the last card. "Toy Poodles???" What is powerful or strong about a tiny dog?? We were all laughing and Karson quickly chimed in "You can throw them! Those things would go far!" Yep my son played the card "toy poodle" based on the argument that you could throw it and use it like a weapon! hahaha I never quit being amazed at the things these crazy little boys think up! Such a fun game night! Loved hearing all the defenses for some of the crazy cards that were played. We'll definitely be playing that game with them again and soon!